It's a coffee and tea sort of day.

I think I have a cold.



[Yes. That's me. Drinking my tea. Out of a starbucks mug. Also, if something looks off its cause I dyed my hair.]
I woke up this weekend with a tickle in my throat. Tuesday, it was full on throat scratchiness so I went on an emergency tea and OJ run. Which is saying something. Because I hate OJ and I'm not a big tea advocate either.

But between downing the two consistently, trying not to overstress myself (or, I should say, trying to limit it as much as possible), and everything else, I still managed to get sick.

So yes. Little old me is sitting here, studying for a test, stressing over meetings and deadlines and all. Drinking my tea. Wishing I had coffee (had some earlier). Sniffling, coughing and sneezing all in between.
Damn cold.

My mom thinks I sound cute. I think I sound retarded.

So darlings, Fall is here. The season of beautiful weather, crisp air, HALLOWEEN, harvest, warm drinks, seasonal flavorings, colds and flus, and new beginnings. How do you maintain your fall cheer? How about when you're feeling a bit sneezy...?

Why no one should look to me for organization tips

People seem to think I'm a rather organized, put together person. I'm typically on time, and have things done pretty efficiently.

Uh, yeah.

Those people are WRONG.

Yet somehow, I still get people (mind you, these are people who don't know me well) ask me for organization ideas.

So, for amusement purposes, here's how I get organized:

step one. Buy colorful sticky notes (preferably 2+ colors)
Designate a purpose for each color.
Don't follow through with these purposes. Instead, write massive to do lists on the front. Put them in books, on notebooks or on your laptop keyboard. Smudge so you can't see. Write other lists on the back. Flip back and forth to find which list is on which note, then lose it again. Let lists tear and add stuff to expired lists. Repeat.

step two. Keep an iCalendar. Color code for class and e.c.'s. Add things with timers. Forget what those timers are for. Forget to add things and timers. Keep x-ing out when it gets in your way. Repeat.

step three. Keep a dry erase calendar. Color code. Lose the colors you used. Forget to add things. Accidentally erase things. Let things dry in too much. Get irritated and use it for doodles instead.

step four. Buy a planner. Write for classes. Highlight. Get irritate because planner is too small. Get further irritated because last planner was too big. Misplace between text books. Lose for a while and stop using. Find again and use. Spill on and get sticky. Give up and throw out.

step five. Note taking edition!
Buy notebooks for each day. Take notes. Type notes later. have designated folders (in life and on the computer). Highlight both with bright colors and a vague system. Mis-type notes. Give up on typing. Forget what your highlighting system was. Give up and just write.

*Moral of the story => Don't give me this bull-shit "you're so organized!" and don't do what I do.

Now I have to go do something I forgot (and I'm not joking. JOY!)

Things that are hazardous to my health pt.1

I don't know if there will be a part two. But the added "pt. 1" just made it look cooler.

Haha. Yes, I'm a dork.

Anyway, I feel like people, in general, know themselves well enough to know things that are hazardous to their mental state. Not necessarily in the sense that these things are depressing or anything. But things that you see everywhere and start going insane.

Ok. This is where a lot of you look at the computer confused.
At this point, maybe a few girls have had a light bulb click on. And you're probably going "God. Oh yeah. That's me."
Boys, I don't know if you have these experiences, so bear with me.

So examples will make this clearer right?
I have a friend (I'll keep her anonymous since I don't know if she wants this information posted), who's facebook ads are for things like custom wedding rings. She goes through engagements pictures of people she doesn't even know (she doesn't necessarily freak out, but there is a lot of "Aw"-ing involved). She feels like everyone around her is getting married or engaged (this might be true, in her defense...) and she just in general loves looking at wedding stuff.

It doesn't necessarily mean she needs to get married immediately, but when she sees those things she gets all intense about it.

(This is where all the female light bulbs click)

I think you get it now. Those things that you intensely love and like to look at/want in your life/know you're not ready for. But everytime you see it you give a little squeal, freak out and have gushy moments?

Haha.
Well sometimes, these things catch you by surprise. Or they'll show up again after a long time and you're like "Oh. Hi there. Yeah. Um. Forgot about you there in the corner. Please go away, you're driving me crazy."

Yeah. Had that moment today.

What's my thing?
Babies.
Yeah. You read that right.
Oh shit. Babies.
Yeah.

I love kids. Really, absolutely love kids. I've always wanted a kid. I don't care if I get married (ok, lies, I do want to get married), but if it never happened it probably wouldn't be the end of my world. Not having a kid would be.

Well, what prompted the rediscovery of my dormant love for all things small children?
Developmental Psychology.
Yeah. A class. Signs of a true college student right?
So I have this class tomorrow. There's a test coming up soonish. And I was getting ahead on reading (again). And all the pictures were babies doing cute things like walking and responding to stimuli and imitating things.

Well, naturally studying left the building. And so I started looking at pictures of my cousin's baby, and of babies in general, and I flipped the channels on my tv to babies in movies.

Yeah. Insert baby freak out here.

Which is ridiculous. I'm young! I have at least 6 years of school left. I'm recently out of a crazy relationship and in no position to start a new one. I can't support myself let alone a baby. I'm an emotional mess. No baby! No baby!

But when I see this stuff all over, all I can think of is how I want to be in that stage in my life.
I want a baby!

Spazz moments ensue. Then I tweet/blog/freak out.

Thus why this is "Things that are hazardous to my health pt. 1"

Impulse buys, rain and introspection.

[via]

I have been in the absolute strangest mood lately.

Or maybe moods is the more proper way to put it.

Its completely inexplicable. I haven't heard of many others having these same impulses. These thoughts or moods or habits or states of beings.

Maybe they don't talk about it.

I just find myself constantly in a whirlwind of thought. Not "Oh, wait when was that paper due" thought. Deep introspective "What am I doing here?/What is the meaning of life?" thought.

I'd be lying if I said it weren't strange. If I claimed it weren't weirding me out.
I think its part of that whole "Growing up/Peter Pan complex" I have.

It comes and goes.
But now it effects everything I do.

I desperately need shorts. And though I wasn't sure if Ross was open (I don't like getting shorts at Buffalo. No variety), I intended on heading over there to look.

I was really bored in my apartment and I wanted to be vaguely productive. But since it had been between sunny and stormy all day I didn't want to go on a full out shopping spree. So the intention was go to Ross real quick, maybe stop off somewhere for a drink or snack, then go home to write. (Inspiration for one of the many novels).
Writing is best when it rains after all.

But obviously this didn't happen.

And I ended up at half price books instead.
Actually I stopped for coffee first. I was like "OH, I can go to starbucks and write."
Well, it was absolutely full, so that plan dissipated, but rather than try a different place or sit outside, I found myself wandering to half price books.

They're having a 20% off sale. And I've already bought stuff.

But I was like, "Oh, I can look a bit to pass time."
And of course, I started looking for books that were important to me. That put me into deep thought or had affected (or that I knew were going to affect) the way I think.

I bought three books. I FINALLY, after a year of looking, bought Doctor Faustus. Yes again. This is the Marlowe version that I lost a while back. (I blogged about Faust a while back but that was Goethe's. They're different, bear with me).

There's something fulfilling about finding a book you've been looking for.

I also managed to come across some older books on sale, and found a set of Byron works that looks thoroughly read and studied (my favorite kind!) and the complete works of Miguel de Cervantes in Spanish.

"But wait, you don't know Spanish that well!"

Well, ok, partly true. I can read things like Harry Potter or Twilight in Spanish if I have a dictionary with me. But Cervantes is literature. But it was so beautiful, old fashion bound and used. It was...almost inspiring.

So what if I don't know Spanish that well, it'll be motivation to learn.

Yeah.
That's the funny thing about introspection.
I've been thinking about how to change my life.
All I've managed to do is agree with myself that I need change, but I don't know what kind. I don't know how to go about it.

But there are two things that've kind of swayed me in a general direction. (And Ironically, I want both as tattoos.)

One is the latin quote "Audaces fortuna iuvat." Fortune favors the bold. I have every intention to, whatever my course may be, enact with the the utmost passion and vigor which I am fond of. After all, if you're going to do something, don't half-ass it right?

The second is simple "I'll perservere." Keep going. Keep trying. Thus the impulse buy of the Cervantes book. I don't know Spanish, but hell, I'll keep trying to learn it.

As usual, this blog doesn't really follow anything cool or exciting, and I'm not really shipping something toward you readers. But this is my life. These are my thoughts. And I hope they do something for you as they've done for me.

My "platform" or lack thereof.

So I mentioned blogging to a friend at school today.

And she was all "Aw. I love reading blogs. You know, travels, crafts, and all. How would you categorize yours."

Well, to be honest. This threw me for a loop. I even did the whole pause "What was the question again?" look and all.

So I even asked her what she meant.

"Well, what's your platform? What do you write about?"

I guess I've never thought about this before.
To be honest, it just has completely slipped my mind until now.

It's not quite a diary.
I mean, I write a lot of my personal experiences, but not to a full extent where I pour my entirety of being into these posts. I know that's what some people's blogs are. They're the "daily ongoings" or deepest feelings under a pseudonym. But I don't really do diaries. Despite my being great with other people's feelings, I'm not so good with my own. I've never even had a physical diary.

So that's out.

And I obviously don't teach anything. Not that I'm not crafty or artsy or anything. I just don't have time to teach you all how to make things and actually physically do it myself.

And in the end, I don't have a platform as far as issues go. I know people who blog religion, tv, music, political events, troubles with the world, aid for disasters, etc etc.

I guess this is closer. My blog relays my experiences and I try to help people work through theirs. I love causes and I truly love and believe in helping people. I mean, goodness, this is part of why I'm a psychology major.

But by this notion. I couldn't ever blog a cause.

Mainly because I'm too passionate about multiple causes. I couldn't devote myself to one. People who know me in person can vouch for my extremities in passion.

I guess what I'm trying to get at here is my blog is my way of helping you. I aim to help you take something from my experiences. Even if it is just random information about something trivial that you never knew before. I like to think and I believe thought is something provocative that can really better people and their lifestyles. So I blog about my thoughts and things that are near and dear to me. Sometimes I do current events. And on occasion I'll bring up a cause whether it be the environment or education.

But to choose one would be untrue to myself.

I guess the ultimate thing to take from this is I'm here for you, whoever you are. If you want to hear something, if you want my opinion, if you want a shout out or want me to cover a topic I will. Just let me know. I value your readership and I value your input.

In the end, I don't need a platform so long as I have a reader.

These are my confessions...and more thoughts I probably shouldn't be having...

Yes, that title did come in part from an Usher song. ;)

But the confession is kind of nerdy.
However its necessary for the context of this post.

I watch a lot of Anime.

Yes, you read that right. Girl who likes fashion, adventure and sports and all things social is also an anime nerd.

Personally, I've never thought this was that shocking, but from people at school I've learned watching anime is associated with a lack of social skills that I most certainly have.

Why am I sharing this random and all that non-important issue with you all?

Because its what has generated my most recent thought process.

Generally speaking, anime tends to have a strong sense of story presence and covers a lot of important issues. Thus why its apparently more geared to teens and adults.

Recently I've been re-watching a ton of old animes I watched as a kid. And while its enjoyable to relive that, I realize that's all I've been doing lately.

Reliving.

I've lost a sense of my life. Yes, that sounds depressing. But its true. And for some reason I'm at a loss of how to feel about that.

Because when it comes down to it, I don't know what I feel about anything these days. I have no activities or interests beyond whats tossed in front of me. And I just can't seem to be entraped or entranced with my current ongoings. Instead I think.

I guess my biggest concern that anime has addressed for me lately is time. We change. We develop. We leave people we love and find new people in our lives. We jump into things that, if people had told us years ago would happen, we would've thought they were crazy. Time goes on no matter how you feel, what you think or how you've been spending it. And all things come to an end.

And while they try to keep it upbeat, its kind of a brutal realization. It makes you oddly aware. Not just of mortality. But of change. Of the progression of the familiar and the changes of life states. And while I often enjoy change and new things (I am adaptable, I promise), I just find it all so horribly bittersweet. Because now that I'm old enough to realize I haven't appreciated things as I should've I want them back. I want both the old and the new. I'm being selfish.


Maybe I'm just going through a tough time right now which is why I feel this. I've always considered myself a "no regret/carpe diem" sort of person. But right now I'm just trotting all these old roads. Memories of times long gone.

Not all that glitters is gold, not all those who wander are lost.

Those of a lingering past, search that which was never forgot.
Yes, thats my own unique addition.
No I won't clarify.


Ok, maybe I will.

To me, searching the past doesn't NECESSARILY mean you're depressed or wishing for things gone. (In my case it kind of is, I'll admit). Sometimes you're looking at things you never realized. Or enjoying things you can now appreciate. Or searching for a meaning that was never told (or never meant to be). It was never forgotten because it never existed.


Ok, that was a long ramble of a post. My apologies. Just needed to get out those thoughts.