Impulse buys, rain and introspection.

[via]

I have been in the absolute strangest mood lately.

Or maybe moods is the more proper way to put it.

Its completely inexplicable. I haven't heard of many others having these same impulses. These thoughts or moods or habits or states of beings.

Maybe they don't talk about it.

I just find myself constantly in a whirlwind of thought. Not "Oh, wait when was that paper due" thought. Deep introspective "What am I doing here?/What is the meaning of life?" thought.

I'd be lying if I said it weren't strange. If I claimed it weren't weirding me out.
I think its part of that whole "Growing up/Peter Pan complex" I have.

It comes and goes.
But now it effects everything I do.

I desperately need shorts. And though I wasn't sure if Ross was open (I don't like getting shorts at Buffalo. No variety), I intended on heading over there to look.

I was really bored in my apartment and I wanted to be vaguely productive. But since it had been between sunny and stormy all day I didn't want to go on a full out shopping spree. So the intention was go to Ross real quick, maybe stop off somewhere for a drink or snack, then go home to write. (Inspiration for one of the many novels).
Writing is best when it rains after all.

But obviously this didn't happen.

And I ended up at half price books instead.
Actually I stopped for coffee first. I was like "OH, I can go to starbucks and write."
Well, it was absolutely full, so that plan dissipated, but rather than try a different place or sit outside, I found myself wandering to half price books.

They're having a 20% off sale. And I've already bought stuff.

But I was like, "Oh, I can look a bit to pass time."
And of course, I started looking for books that were important to me. That put me into deep thought or had affected (or that I knew were going to affect) the way I think.

I bought three books. I FINALLY, after a year of looking, bought Doctor Faustus. Yes again. This is the Marlowe version that I lost a while back. (I blogged about Faust a while back but that was Goethe's. They're different, bear with me).

There's something fulfilling about finding a book you've been looking for.

I also managed to come across some older books on sale, and found a set of Byron works that looks thoroughly read and studied (my favorite kind!) and the complete works of Miguel de Cervantes in Spanish.

"But wait, you don't know Spanish that well!"

Well, ok, partly true. I can read things like Harry Potter or Twilight in Spanish if I have a dictionary with me. But Cervantes is literature. But it was so beautiful, old fashion bound and used. It was...almost inspiring.

So what if I don't know Spanish that well, it'll be motivation to learn.

Yeah.
That's the funny thing about introspection.
I've been thinking about how to change my life.
All I've managed to do is agree with myself that I need change, but I don't know what kind. I don't know how to go about it.

But there are two things that've kind of swayed me in a general direction. (And Ironically, I want both as tattoos.)

One is the latin quote "Audaces fortuna iuvat." Fortune favors the bold. I have every intention to, whatever my course may be, enact with the the utmost passion and vigor which I am fond of. After all, if you're going to do something, don't half-ass it right?

The second is simple "I'll perservere." Keep going. Keep trying. Thus the impulse buy of the Cervantes book. I don't know Spanish, but hell, I'll keep trying to learn it.

As usual, this blog doesn't really follow anything cool or exciting, and I'm not really shipping something toward you readers. But this is my life. These are my thoughts. And I hope they do something for you as they've done for me.