Time starts to pass, before you know if your frozen....

-"Bleeding Love" Leona Lewis

I feel like I'm in, for lack of better word, a rut.
Really, I think it's just that my life is in a cycle of work and over-contemplation at the moment. And honestly, work is enjoyable most of the time. I trained on the register yesterday and I'm on call until Saturday. But with most people out of town, going out of town or busy, I feel like the social aspect of my life is missing and I'm losing grip of what I was beginning to enjoy.

I've also had very limited contact with Rice friends, which is a breath of fresh air, because it's nice to hang with different people for a bit. But I also can't help but be very sad about it because these are people I live with most of the year. And mind you we're all busy and such, but it's a little saddening.

To add, I've been overanalyzing about my romantic interests again. I'm just really not sure how to handle it or if I'm even handling things correctly or if I'm just overreacting to things. I'm getting really down about it when I shouldn't be and I know it's bad for me. Especially if things don't go my way when school starts. I was hoping for a no-strings attached distraction but now I'm rather sure I won't be lucky enough for that to happen. I'm really debating a phone call, just to talk to him (I do miss him a lot) and settle my nerves a little but I'm not sure.

Ok. Now to try and be upbeat. I promised I'd try to work in optimism for every pessimist or down thought. We'll see how it goes.

I'm sad Katie's leaving. I wanted to hang with her before she left. I guess the good is she won't be gone too long. And Valorie'll be back soon too.

Let's see....well work is going well. I hope to keep up decent hours and make a lot. I also have managed to keep my scholarship. :) And they gave me a grant. Thank goodness. Here's to hoping the grade comes up next year.

Art project is progressing slowly but steadily and I'm slowly finding new motivation to do well next year.

Oh. I went shopping today and got some cute stuff, so Kudos for that. And hopefully I will soon have the cable I need to hook up my laptop to my pretty speakers.

Um. What else? Well, we may go to Utah later in the summer? Here's to hoping. And I think that's all I've got. So here's to ending on a slightly upbeat note. :)

Cigarettes and Marionettes are the things you can't escape.

^ I'm working on a song. I've got decent lyrics and a tune, but without a tuned piano setting it to legit music is becoming problem.

But first, my usual, in the news:

The Iranian election was a few days ago. Ahmidenijad shockingly won re-election and now most people are calling foul on the vote. So far there's not much we can do, but there's much protesting. I'm a little concerned that this might be a tianamen square repeat with all the student protests, so here's to hoping that such an event is avoided. More to come in the future.

Lakers won. Big shock for the overrated team.

Gas prices are rising, which makes me slightly ok with not having a car but is pretty shittacular in the long run.

Obviously not much is up in the news minus the Iranian election.

So today I saw the taking of Pelham 123. It wasn't amazing but it was a good movie. It made you think and I felt John Travolta did a wonderful portrayal of "Ryder." Valorie came over today and we watched the Tudors and made cookies (and my parents made us yummy hamburgers). We determined boo on Jonathan Rhys Meyers's beard and yay on Henry Cavill's pretty semi-curly hair. :)

Tomorrow should be interesting. I'm hopefully going to the mall to check out the Charlotte russe sale and am going to call Maybee New York and see what's up with the job. Tuesday is work, and theoretically I should get off at 7, but I have a "on call time" so if they decide they need me I'll be there until 10. If not then I get to go to Buon Giorno's and see Kevin play, which ought to be fun. :) Wednesday will hopefully be for hanging with Taheera and anyone else we might invite. Thursday I'll hopefully have lunch with Natalie and hang with people is well. I'm "on call" again Friday and Saturday I legit have to work. :/

Otherwise, I've been doing little projects. I've been kind of cleaning my room, reading The Picture of Dorian Gray (moving on to finish Inferno next), and writing. I ended up revamping a bit of my original novel Divinity and startes a song (from which I got this blog title). I'm going for a more slow bluesy sound for it. I'm still gathering headlines for my project and I'll hopefully help a friend on his project. His goal is to have people write/doodle on napkins when they're out alone or waiting. He says doing so brings off-guard, uncensored and unrealized thoughts. I think it sounds interesting so I promised I'd start doing that and collecting them for him. :)

I'm also working on finding and becoming inspiration. We'll see how that goes.

I haven't been doing Orgo/spanish/mech much lately. I think it's the keeping busy. Which is nice. It's good to keep busy. Until you remember why you're trying to keep busy. Then you kind of feel lonely again for a while. But I'm doing my best to keep it all smiles.

More in the near future hopefully.
Until then,
this single truth remains,
cigarettes and marionettes are the things you can't escape.

"I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me, Papa-Paparazzi."

Title today is a Lady Gaga song, and honestly probably my favorite one. Just so catchy. It's been stuck in my head a while.

So this morning while I was doing my daily get-ready routine, I had a blog idea, but now I really can't remember what it was! Which proves of course, that I either need to write things down more, or just get a better memory. Overall though, I figured I needed to post anyway, so I figured I'd cover a few things instead of just one.

In the news today: For one, there was a shooting at the Holocaust Memorial Museum today. Apparently the guy is a white supremacist that denies it happened. One security guard died (RIP. I feel bad for the family). I really don't know much more of it other than the guy having a history of being a bit of a nut job. But this kind of ties along with something I'm working on that I'll touch later.

Also, FINALLY! Carrie Prejean lost the Miss California crown. I love the stupidity of the program. They don't fire her over topless photos or joining groups blatanly against her contract, but they fire her over...wait...what was it again? CONTRACT VIOLATIONS. Apparently she's not keeping up with her public appearances so NOW they fire her. Idiots. I love how she got to keep her crown despite topless photos while Vanessa Williams was forced to give hers up years ago for the same thing. It sounds so bitchy to celebrate this but it really just isn't right that she got to be an exception to that rule that's ruined things for so many others. And of course she had the audacity to act like a "target" for all the shit she was getting from the media for joinging the anti-gay marriage group saying they were attacking her views when she clearly did violate her contract and that's what they were pointing out. I'm just glad she's out. Though I expect she'll be around in the news some more.

That's it on my news updates. In other news, yesterday was pretty fun. I chilled with Valorie and Kevin and various other C-ville and G-vine friends at Buon Giorno's for open mic, which was fun. After Rie and I drove around aimlessly blasting pretty awesome summer playlist music. That's really what summer is all about. I have work at 1 tomorrow, which is much better than 10. And I'm really really hoping that other place (Maybee New York, the clothing store across from Group USA) hires me for sure, because it means more money, less time at home bored, and a FIXED schedule. I really hope working a lot won't be too bad.

Here's how things are going as far as my projects:
1. I'm gathering newspaper headlines about war, violence and other world troubles (Much like what happened with the Holocaust Museum Shooting). I'm going to try to do a Peace Sign, probably paper mache style, but I'm not sure yet. But if anyone has headlines they want to give me from a paper or magazine that'd be awesome. I'm going to extend this project to other media and might do stuff with household items for jewelry and clothes, but this is it for now. More to come.

2. I'm expanding my music collection. Suggestions are very welcome. I'll even extend this to CDs and books.

3. If anyone hits up a starbucks that still prints the inspiration shit on the back of the cups, if you could rinse and save those for me, that'd be awesome as well. That's another project.

4. I NEED MORE PICTURES. I know I always say I hate them, but ignore me because I always regret not having them.

5. I've been working more on the meditation and yoga. If anyone has any suggestions for more spiritual related stuff like this, I'd love to hear them.

6. Still working/need to work on Spanish/Orgo/ maybe Mech? Ew.

7. I'm working on my room. More to come on that.


Things I've done lately
1. Worked
2. Hung Out with Valorie
3. Cleaned
4. Gathered Headlines for my project.
5. Meditated
6. Did some of that school work
7. Blogged
Things for tomorrow/the new future
1. Work
2. Be social?
3. Work more on my project and start the new ones
4. Do more web design and prep for all the shit I'll have to do in the school year.
5. More Schoolwork
6. Find a book/song that's inspiring
7. Write
8.Meditate
9. Take Pictures
10. Blog
11. Work on my room
12. Organize
13. And lucky 13? Inspire someone.

En este vida, solo hay manana.

^ I went for Spanish instead of a lyric.

It means, "In this life there is only tomorrow."

It feels like something I've been living by as of late. I've been pretty busy lately. And while it's a nice change from the usual laid back boredom that engulfs summer, it's a bit bittersweet, as it eradicates my time to think (albeit I think too much regardless). So here are things lately:

First of all, a few bits of history and news today. Actor David Carradine was found dead today in Thailand. Sad news. I don't recall what movie they say he was working on (I remember it sounding vaguely interesting though). My generation probably knows him best as Bill from the Kill Bill series by Tarantino, but my parents best know him from the '70's series Kung Fu, where the term "Little Grasshopper" originated. Thailand is labeling the death a suicide, but it seems a little fishy honestly. I'm curious as to what the final ruling will be. Regardless, R.I.P. to a great actor who will be remembered for his work.

In other news, today is June 4th, which means it is the twentieth anniversary of the Tianamen Square Massacre of 1989 in which the Chinese government killed a number of protesters, a large number of which were college students and only children of their respective families.(It also seemed to serve as a reminder to my father that I will be twenty next year. Shocker.) The true number of dead is unknown (as the Chinese government is said to downplay it while other sources are said to exaggerate) but any loss is a loss nonetheless and the event should be remembered. Hong Kong hosted the only memorial of the event today while the rest of China overlooked it and efforts to film and photgraph in the square by U.S. media were thwarted, indicating the want (or possibly need) of the government to keep a lid on the event. Despite the efforts, around the world the day will be remembered as it should. I'd also like note that very appropriately, I woke up to the song Hypnotize by System of a Down (Why don't you ask the kids in Tianamen Square, was fashion the reason why they were there?)

My last bit of news for the day is a brief note of President Obama's speech in Cairo today to the Muslim world. I haven't made it through the whole thing yet (I was almost done when mom called for dinner). But from what I saw, as well as the analysis I've seen, I feel like it was a job well done. While many analysts are saying the speech didn't give direct indications of action in the near future, I feel like the President did what was necessary. It's pretty obvious it is impossible to get a lot done in the Middle East immediately, but the implication that things will be done is there. It was good that he acknowledged the need to eliminate stereotype as well as the idea that goverments should be as the people want and that we have no right to interfere so long as it is the people's choice. I feel it was a good point for him to point out flaws in both the Palestinian and Israeli actions rather than take sides as numerous previous administrations appear to have done. While people think it's not much, it's good progress and obviously an extended hand to make an effort to do something different.

So my life.
Haha. Not a very subtle transition.
Things have been crazy. Mom had surgery so I've been taking care of her and the house. I started my job at Build-A-Bear (and made myself a new one. His name is Seymour and he's one of my favorite things right now.) I've been trying to find time to work on my latest story about a psychiatrist in San Francisco named Davey. (FYI, Davey is a girl). I've been dealing with some personal issues involving Houston and people in that city and have decided to take an alternate course of personal action. And I've decided to try my hand and new projects. Amongst the two I've done recently are deciding how to decorate my new room, making art out of contrasting newspaper headlines, working on Spanish and Orgo, Blogging More, Yoga and Meditation, and trying my hand at songwriting. So I'll have more updates on that soon.

Here're the things I've accomplished today:
1. Cleaned room
2. Set up a SHPE account.
3. Ranted with Valorie and resolved to take a new course of action.
4. Meditated

Goals for Tomorrow:
1. Go out and have fun
2. Figure out my Schedule at work this weekend.
3. Work on either Spanish or Orgo
4. Cut News clippings for my art project.
5. Work on web and flyer stuff for SHPE
6. Another blog?
7. Find New Projects to try.

I've also decided to try to note how appreciative I am of certain things and share my inspiration with others. One was the quote I used today: "In this life, there is only tomorrow." I'm also very thankful to live in a nation where I can protest without being killed. And I'm thankful to be me.