So how has this depression affected me? To the outside world it hasn't seemed to at all. Mainly because I've gone through it quite a bit before. I'm interacting as minimally as possible, though still cordial and relatively normal. I have moments of normalcy. I'm great at joking and passing it off cavalier as possible (As in this post).
But lets face it. All in all things aren't all too normal. I constantly need sleep when it didn't use to be a problem. I never want to leave my bed. I lack much of an appetite. I agree to do things for the sake of it but I never really enjoy myself all that much. I don't really know what I like or don't, or what I want to do for that matter.
But most of all. I have no motivation. Like seriously. I only do things I feel like when I feel like. I'm worse than a child. It's like a rat in a skinner box. Instant gratification.
The figure below demonstrates what I'm talking about.
In some rat related experiments done by skinner and other psych professionals, rats are given an option of levers, one would dispense food while the other would stimulate the brain to an affect much like orgasm. In most cases the rat would constantly press the lever for orgasm, undergoing starvation.
Guess which lever I'm pressing (I'll give you a hint. It's not the food lever)
So maybe it doesn't mean constant orgasm. Trust me I kind of wish it did. But I only do what immediately amuses me. In other words its quite a struggle to do my homework, to go to class, etc.
But it sucks. So that's a bit on my life right now blog readers.
A life sans much direction.
Are any of the rest of you going through this? How're you dealing with your quarterlife crisis (Or are you fortunate enough not to have one?) ? What do you do for motivation?
1 comment:
I'm going through the depression agina, you know that. I motivate myself to work because then I don't have to think, frankly. If I throw myself into my schoolwork, I don't have to acknowledge the fact that all I really want to do is lie in bed and cry.
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