My friend Katie (who doesn't have a blog, thus I can't link her...gr.) and I were on the way home from getting smoothies today when a commercial came on. And it was all "not a dating group, but the number one singles community activity center" blah-de-blah, etc etc. Well, we hadn't quite understood what exactly it was advertising but Katie was like "That sounds stupid. Singles activity center?"
And I said, "It's code for some sort of kinky sex encounter camp. And I'm talking really kinky sex, like shit I wouldn't even do."
Well needless to say that earned me a "WTF Cyndi?" look. People always give me those looks. I don't get it.
Regardless, we decided to come up with the kinky things this sex camp would entail. And exactly how hot these boys would have to be for us to do these things. That was when Katie began saying that as much as she likes her boyfriend, she kind of wishes she could have a good experience with a guy THAT hot. Like, lick something off his abs worthy hot.
Well normally I try to make my friends feel better about that sort of thing but not wanting to lie I was like "Yeah. That one was nice."
Well Katie expressed her wish to experience such a thing and I told her "Yeah, I think that's one on the list of those guys every girl should experience before settling down."
To which she was like "There's a whole list?"
Now here's where this blog comes in. I always assumed most girls know or felt like there was a general consensus to the types of guys they should try and experience at some point in life, even if only in the form of a crush or a fling. But I'm starting to think I might be in a minority in this delusion. So if you've never heard this before, sit back, read, enjoy and comment. If you agree, feel free to comment and add your own experiences (or your own types of guys). But without further ado, here's my list of the types of guys a girl should encounter/experience for a sense of romantic experience and completion in her life.
The PRETTY BOY
The pretty boy is pretty self explanatory (no pun intended...ok, maybe a little). He's a classically good looking guy who has a tendency (unintentionally or not) to get by based on the fact that he is, indeed, pretty. He's the kind of guy most girls have a their first crush on (often before they even know the meaning of the word crush). But often, he's not much more fun beyond being something good to look at. Like really really good to look at. The physical attraction, all there. Everything else, not. But hey, every girl needs a decent physical relationship to get her started before settling down.
The BAD boy
The boy your mama always warned you about. He smokes/does drugs/drinks/parties/all the above. He might dress dark, be anti-establishment, have an arrest record and drive a harley. He'll probably try to talk you into things you've never dreamt of. And even succeed, because hell, he's charming. Is he misunderstood, or secretly good? You might like to think so. But chances are he isn't going to get any better.
Enjoy the experience and move on honey, because later on when you see him, he'll be working at 7/11 while you pump up your pretty fancy sports car with your successful future husband.
The SENSITIVE SOUL
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He's a writer. Or an artist of some sort. Maybe a musician He wears sweater vests or hipster clothes and believes in true undying love. He probably listens to indie music and you might find him at a coffee shop or at an artsy film. And he definitely will write you poetry at some point. He's sweet and a dreamer, but he's prone to being driven by his emotions. Especially if he's tied to his art. Chances are he'll have phases of moods between being in love with you and life to being devastated, depressed, moody or pissed. He's bad with deadlines. And he probably can't pay his bills. Work is hard to come by but he's convinced he's good enough, when he probably isn't. You'll enjoy his sweet sentiments for a while. But when you start footing the bill and playing second love to his art, he's got to go. Don't worry, even if you see his name in the newspaper someday, you'll probably still end up happier than he is.
The ARROGANT ASSHOLE
He's a douchebag. There's no other way to describe him. And he probably has no real reason to be one. Sure, he's probably attractive and vaguely good at something. But not good enough to act the way he does. And yet somehow he magically gets away with it. Imagine that. For some reason, despite the way he treats you, how much of a jerk he is and the way he acts around people in general, you are so into him. He'll probably push you around and be the one to break your heart. But in the end, he'll probably end up alone with no realization that he ended up missing out. Because he's too into himself to know the difference. Oh well, at least you can say, been there, done that.
The MAMA'S BOY
So maybe he doesn't quite live at home with his mom. And they do say you can judge how a guy will treat you by how he treats his mother. But this boy is ridiculous. She probably still dresses him or buys his clothes. And he won't do much of anything without her approval. She'll trump any plans you have and his opinion is whatever hers is. It may be cute at first but that relationship there is needy and unhealthy. He may be sweet, but you do want a relationship between two people, not three, right?
The ALPHA MALE
He's tough, king of dreamy. Maybe he played football. He never makes you pay or lift a finger. But he's over the top. He's jealous. He treats you like you're delicate. But everything's for his baby, right? In the end you're probably his arm candy , free to show off. but at the cost of losing your freedom, independence, and the ability to do something for yourself. There's not much benefit to dating this kind of boy, but hey, its a learning experience.
The PLAYER
He's CHUCK BASS.
Ok, no, maybe not. But he's charming and he knows what to say. He's attractive, dresses well and is cultured. He also flirts with everyone in existence. Be wary of this boy. He may be good looking and show you a good time, but he also shows every other girl he runs into a good time. He'll probably cheat on you, on a date or as a couple. But every girl needs a chuck bass at some point. He'll show you fun, but also what to watch out for and what you don't want. He'll break your heart but you'll come back stronger. In the end his playboy ways will probably lose him everything. But they'll teach you all you need to know.
The NERD / GEEK
He's probably cute in a sort of unfortunate way. And you know it took him a lot of courage to ask you out. So you took a chance and said yes. Maybe it was pity at first. He turned out to be a pretty good guy, despite his weird and or obsessive hobbies. So maybe he isn't socially apt. But he keeps up with your birthday, tries to provide for you and altogether means well. This is the kind of boy you might end up with. Or maybe not. Regardless, he shows you a good time. And he teaches you to have standards. And that things aren't always what you expect.
The BORDERLINE GAY GUY/ GAY BEST FRIEND
So he's cute but femininely so. He probably takes longer to get ready than you do. And gives you skin or hair tips. He'll come out eventually. And when he does you'll only be slightly surprised. Don't worry. This'll become your gay best friend. Embrace him. He's worth keeping around. ;)
*author's note:
This is a lot of boys. And a lot of stereotypes. Is it sad that I've had almost all of them? don't worry girls. You may not get to them all. Remember these next time you have a rough rejection/ break up. And remember, you'll meet Mr. Right eventually.
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