In search of....something.

“The worst bankruptcy in the world is the person who has lost his enthusiasm.” - H.W. Arnold


"This melancholy London - I sometimes imagine that the souls of the lost are compelled to walk through its streets perpetually. One feels them passing like a whiff of air."
William Butler Yeats


I feel perpetually lost. Emotionally, figuratively, etc, etc, etc.
I've been working on this particular post since march 23. And through what is currently a bout with depression and some other various trying events, I still can't seem to find what I'm searching for...in this case, the words.

It's part of the reason I feel like I'm struggling so much right now. It's not knowing.
For the longest time, I was the person in my group of friends who had things together. I knew what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, who I was. I had what I considered to be guidelines to how I wanted to live my life.

And now I know nothing. I don't know who I am, what I want to do, where I want to be or even who I trust. It's difficult. And I've been working so hard to keep myself together for people for so long. But I've finally kind of given in. I just can't hide this one. I always try to keep mindful of how I affect others. But I'm tired of censoring my emotions for my friends all the time. And now its showing me who I can count on. I'm trying to draw a lot on literature I can relate to. A lot of Salinger, a bit of Fitzgerald. Who knows where it'll go, or what I'll find out, about myself and others. But maybe the change'll be good.

Or at least that's what I'm hoping.
And hopefully I can motivate myself enough to update tomorrow. I have something in mind, mainly about trust and friends.