Music: The Dying Art

Yes. No Song Lyric title. Odd right?

But very necessary, as I've been pondering this one for a long time.

Anyone who knows me probably learned in the first five minutes (if not, then maybe ten), that I am an absolute music fanatic. I love love love music. It's so horribly cliche, but music is a form of expression. It's a way to convey feelings that can't be spoken.

And it's dying.

As a girl whose first love was rock music, I look at the world of rock music often on the verge of tears. Rock and roll is gone. Supposedly there's Indie and Alternative. But even these forms have declined. Rock as a genre is meeting a sad and sorry end. A CNN article featuring Steve Van Zandt (If you don't know who that is, I'll spare you the googling. He's a famous guitarist most known for being a member of Springsteen's E-street band), discussed this recently. Van Zandt recognizes many contributions to the downfall of rock: lack of originality, the role of techonology of making music easier and the lack of recognition of the history of rock. The fact of the matter is while we try to claim to be "artistic" or going for something new and revolutionary, we still depend on the past to define a sound. Otherwise things all sound the same.

Oh wait. They already do.

On a continued and related note: American Idol.
For the second year in a row, I'm not too happy. People need to realize, idol is about talent. It's about who can sing, who has a stage presence, and who can perform. Not who you think is cute, or down to earth, or who you can related to. It's not who goes to church, who is gay or straight or who you can have a beer with. (Remember, we did that with the present some time ago and look what we ended up with: Bush). It's sad when the most talented people loose out because someone doesn't like "the freak" or "the fag." Yes. Adam is weird. he's out there. He can be over the top at times. But there is no doubt that he is so much more talented than Kris. He has a certain stage presence and he is comfortable performing. I hear people say Adam is over the top and all his stuff sounds the same. I have to say he makes things his own. If all his stuff sounds the same then Kris is a broken record. He's worse. And I prefer over the top than someone who looks uncomfortable on stage. In case anyone hasn't noticed, when he's not behind a guitar or piano, Kris looks scared.

I'm not anti-Kris. I like him. He has a nice voice and he's a good musician. I'm just not fond of his fans. And when it comes down to it, he's not as talented as Adam.

And for my final note:

I hate music snobs. I love music. I consider myself pretty deep into it. But I'm (too much) of a snob about it. Save for my strong dislike of country. But that's just personal bias. But to me, a talented singer doesn't need "deep lyrics" or doesn't have to appear like they're putting a lot of emotion into it. Yes. It's nice to have emotion in a song. It's nice to have meaning and depth. But if a singer isn't contorting his face to convey emotion (but it's still obviously there) I don't mind. I feel some people (especially certain "friends") can be bitchy about this. "It's a stupid shallow song" and they'll come up with something about the artist that "detracts" from it or use the lack of depth to bring it down. Anyone ever heard of "Ars gratis artis?" It might look familiar. It's on the banner around the MGM lion. Art for art's sake. It's a concept that has been followed more progressively, though I think things are slowly reverting back. Origianlly art was frowned upon if it didn't have a moral or lesson. But increasingly, people have defended of the idea of art for the sake of entertainment. Beauty because of beauty. No reason. Just because. A song is catchy. You can like it because it's catchy. It can be dumb and immoral and have no depth, but you can't deny something because of that. It's meant to entertain and that's what it does.

Ars Gratis Artis. One of my favorite quotes, especially as a self-proclaimed artist and lover of the arts.

Save the music. Save the arts.

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone...

...but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy." - Walter Anderson

How important is trust in a relationship? How deeply should you trust and have faith? Where do you draw the line? When can one exercise trust but still make another aware of unacceptable actions? When can you forgive and forget and when you should fight, both while trusting and after trust is lost and the truth is out?

The theme of this blog is again founded on events in the lives of others, such as those in the media and people I know, as well as my own personal experiences.

For a more large scale example:

Affairs. Adultery. We know they happen. And it seems often, looking back, the victim often admits they suspected. That they knew. But again, it all draws into trust. Did it happen because they were too trusting? When they felt trust was compromised, should it have been discussed? Was trust compromised before the actual affair or once it began.

It's a tough situation and there seems to be not absolute answer, but it all lies in trust.

On a similar and equally complicated note:
When a couple is merely dating (or have an understanding much like dating), at what level are friendships with the opposite, (or even same for homosexual or bisexual couples) acceptable? How should ex's be treated? When do you trust someone with their ex and when do you admit that maybe the relationship is too comfortable?

Then comes confrontation. How do you address it? When can it be acceptably written off as jealousy? How do you have a calm, normal, understanding conversation? Or is that even possible?

Love is trust. And I'm not sure how to handle it. Maybe I'm too trusting, or not trusting enough. But I'm tired of having my heart broken.

I only wish I could abide by Shakespeare, but even that is difficult: "Love all, trust few"

"Love is a promise, love is a souviner..."

"...once given never forgotten, never let it disappear."
- John Lennon.

I feel Lennon is perfect for this post. The man had a way with words. Honestly, given that the way I feel on this topic is near indescribable (as it is for everyone I imagine), I feel his words are the closest fit.

I haven't been sleeping lately. Part of it is the usual insomnia, and another portion is bad dreams. But another more vital bit is worry. Worry because (dare I say it?) I'm falling in love.

Honestly, I've liked guys. I've been in relationships. But I've always been chill about the concept of love. I realize there are multiple types of love, and I have no doubt I've loved everyone from a relationship in a unique way. But I'm actually willing to say this might be the real deal. Like "IN LOVE." And it scares me. I'm terrified. Because while I know he has feelings for me, I'm fighting lots of things. The odds of us still wanting the same thing in three months when we're back at school and have the opportunity to start the relationship. The odds of him falling back in love with the ex he's trying to get over. Of the odds of him getting over her as well as me in the process.

This isn't what this whole post is about though. It's more of part of the pre-cursor that led me to my thoughts.

Another contributing factor:

I have a friend (once my best friend in middle/early high school years), who recently broke up with her boyfriend. No big, except it was a four year relationship. When they started dating, late in our freshman year of high school, I was happy for her but concerned. He went to a different high school, I didn't know him, and I was admittedly a little jealous that I would have to seriously share my friends. But I got to know him, he was good to her and for her and he was really easy to get along with. So it became less of an issue. I've always felt there relationship is one of the best for people among my age that I've known. I know a lot of friends that dated for long periods through high school and while I hoped for this, I knew realistically the odds of high school sweethearts marrying was pretty much slim to none. But of everyone, I expected them to pull through. I legitimately thought and hoped they could make it. Because if a couple like them couldn't, then how could the rest of us, who were all struggling in love. And while my friend and I aren't as close as we once were, I truly hope for her sake, as well as the sake of my faith in love: true, unadulterated love, that this will be fixed.

Wikipedia (Yes, I'm using it as a source, for good reason as it represents to an extent, public views) has a section for love. It defines love as "any number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment."

The fact of it is, while love has multiple forms and there are varying degrees of it, I feel like we try to pass it off as indescribable or incomparable in order to just flat out avoid the topic. In reality, love may not be fully captured by images or words persay, but we can still describe it, or encompass it as how we each individually view it, whether it be through gestures, words, writings, music, art or even whispered hopes and dreams.

Love to me is best captured by the chinese character for love:
According to wiki, this Kanji is divided to what (to me at least) love consists of. The heart is represented by the middle character, inside of the bits for accept, feel, or perceive on the top and bottom.

Love is, giving your heart, perhaps against your better judgement or thoughts, in its true element. No judgement, no alterations. Just pure emotion that encompasses and accepts, no matter the damage. That is love, and that is where it's power roots from.

I think my GT History/English teacher, Mrs. Timmons, described it best when she discussed love with us. For women, the brain is a hallway of doors, where various doors are open at once, representing the multitude of things we're dealing with. When love ends, she closes the door, but leaves it a crack open, ready to come back to it if necessary. For woman, a love, no matter how much time, will always hurt just a little. Men have the same doors, but only one is open at a time. And when love ends, the door is closed, though they may come back to it at some point.

This to me, is important. If we can understand how we love and how those we love feel love, perhaps it would allow for better communications. Perhaps it'll allows us to the say the words we're often afraid of, it'll let us quit overanalyzing and just love, the pure, raw emotion. No thought necessary.

And while perhaps this is my idealism speaking, and I realize that this understanding may not and will not fix the relationship problems of the world, perhaps, it'll make us understand the feeling, and each other a little better.

The honest truth is, while I'm willing to say I may be in love, I'm losing faith in it. I'm terrified. More than I've ever been in my life. Because I want so badly to believe that he loves me back, that he'll still love me in some way when I have my chance to be with him, and that maybe things will truly work out, I feel that, if people I had faith in could lose it, if our divorce rate is at a whopping 50%, if people are more and more resorting to one-night-stands, friends with benefits and hookups instead of relationships, then what chance does little old me have? Me, the girl who has had a series of failed short-term relationships, let downs and rejections. What chance do I have at love with this guy that I want to love me so badly?

Oddly enough, Nietzsche put it best: "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."

Some people wait a lifetime...

...For a moment like this. -Kelly Clarkson

Except, of course, I'm not sure what this moment is.

So yeah, I'm known for being Bipolar and all. But the fact of the matter is I have these moments.
Ones where, I feel like I'm expecting something. Where I know something in my life is going to change, who knows if for the good or the bad.
And so they haunt me, days and weeks and months.
Until finally.
It's like they were never there.
Until it happens again and I look back and realize the significance of these moments.

Well, I'm having a moment.
And I'm not looking forward to the significance.

I'm really hoping it's just because I've finally finished this writing notebook. After years of gruesome abuse to the thing and horrible and haunted thoughts that fill it.

I have a new one. It's light and pretty. For some reason it brings hope.

Well, I hope that's the significance.
Because closing that notebook knowing I won't write in it again is like the end of something big.

But with my luck,
this isn't it.

I'm not sure I want a moment like this.