Hello dearies.
Hope is a waking dream does still exist. I am still very much alive and ...well, relatively well.
I'm currently suffering from what I like to call overinvolvement syndrome. AKA I sign up for everything and am busy busy as a bee.
But no worries. Friday I plan on working more on my new layout and a new angle for my blog.
So until then lovelies.
<3
1.01.2011
Thoughts on and for the new year.
New Years have never been my thing.
If you need more proof, just look at the fact that I slept well over 16 hours last night. (Had a migraine, but not the point.)
I understand people's ideas and motives with the whole "Last year sucked, ready for the next one." And while I think getting extremely drunk and making more bad decisions to welcome in the new year is a bit counterproductive, to each their own. Also, a year is a good way to mark time. And make new goals.
So this isn't a total diss on "OMG. ANTI-MAINSTREAM NEW YEARS IS RETARDED IT ISN'T EVEN AN ACCURATE MARKING OF A TRUTH EARTH YEAR BLAH BLAH" Hipster indie thing. But I do feel like it is a bit overrated and that people need to analyze their improperly founded motives.
First, the whole "Last year sucked blah blah" Of course last year sucked. You say that every year. Even I say that every year. You know why? Because psychologically we remember the more emotional moments, which tend to be the sucky ones. Instead of thinking last year sucked, try to remember the cool things, or new things you did. Or things you realized you want to try. (Easier said than done, but the premise is to TRY).
Also, partying on new year. I don't get it. Yay. You survived another year. You're one year closer to dying. (Or optimistically, YOU SURVIVED ANOTHER YEAR). So get really drunk and party it up and drive home. Or maybe you don't drive home drunk. Someone else will though. You know the number of drunk driving incidents is statistically significantly higher around New Year. so maybe you're not driving drunk. But is it the best idea to get on the road when you know others are. Not to mention, increasing strict protocols of cops. So you're not drunk anymore but you were. You'll still face a lot of trouble. Not worth the risk to me.
Not to mention the bad decisions people make. Sure this isn't everyone. But I've already heard two "OMG I MESSED UP" stories. Tell you what. If you want next year to not suck, don't end the previous year by sucking. Just an idea.
Also, new years resolutions. If you haven't followed them in the past chances are you won't now. If you want to make a goal do it at a time that is significant to you and not the whole world. It'll mean more and be more memorable. Then you're more likely to stick to it. And learn to make goals. So many goals are unreasonable and unattainable. A goal should be specific, in some way extrinsically measurable, and have a time limit on it. You should also write it down somewhere you'll see it frequently. And it should be personally significant.
So these are my thoughts on and for the new year. That being said, I really do hope everyone had an enjoyable new years experience if they celebrated. And best wishes to everyone in the new year. I hope everyone can take control of their life and make the best of it.
And some new years advice from my people: Una vida sin amor es como un año sin verano.
If you need more proof, just look at the fact that I slept well over 16 hours last night. (Had a migraine, but not the point.)
I understand people's ideas and motives with the whole "Last year sucked, ready for the next one." And while I think getting extremely drunk and making more bad decisions to welcome in the new year is a bit counterproductive, to each their own. Also, a year is a good way to mark time. And make new goals.
So this isn't a total diss on "OMG. ANTI-MAINSTREAM NEW YEARS IS RETARDED IT ISN'T EVEN AN ACCURATE MARKING OF A TRUTH EARTH YEAR BLAH BLAH" Hipster indie thing. But I do feel like it is a bit overrated and that people need to analyze their improperly founded motives.
First, the whole "Last year sucked blah blah" Of course last year sucked. You say that every year. Even I say that every year. You know why? Because psychologically we remember the more emotional moments, which tend to be the sucky ones. Instead of thinking last year sucked, try to remember the cool things, or new things you did. Or things you realized you want to try. (Easier said than done, but the premise is to TRY).
Also, partying on new year. I don't get it. Yay. You survived another year. You're one year closer to dying. (Or optimistically, YOU SURVIVED ANOTHER YEAR). So get really drunk and party it up and drive home. Or maybe you don't drive home drunk. Someone else will though. You know the number of drunk driving incidents is statistically significantly higher around New Year. so maybe you're not driving drunk. But is it the best idea to get on the road when you know others are. Not to mention, increasing strict protocols of cops. So you're not drunk anymore but you were. You'll still face a lot of trouble. Not worth the risk to me.
Not to mention the bad decisions people make. Sure this isn't everyone. But I've already heard two "OMG I MESSED UP" stories. Tell you what. If you want next year to not suck, don't end the previous year by sucking. Just an idea.
Also, new years resolutions. If you haven't followed them in the past chances are you won't now. If you want to make a goal do it at a time that is significant to you and not the whole world. It'll mean more and be more memorable. Then you're more likely to stick to it. And learn to make goals. So many goals are unreasonable and unattainable. A goal should be specific, in some way extrinsically measurable, and have a time limit on it. You should also write it down somewhere you'll see it frequently. And it should be personally significant.
So these are my thoughts on and for the new year. That being said, I really do hope everyone had an enjoyable new years experience if they celebrated. And best wishes to everyone in the new year. I hope everyone can take control of their life and make the best of it.
And some new years advice from my people: Una vida sin amor es como un año sin verano.
12.16.2010
Day 2- Where you want to be in ten years
Well to be honest. I don't know.
And I've been so apathetic lately, I also don't care.
That sounds weird. I know.
But I'm just so goddamn tired. I'm tired of caring. I'm tired of working and planning and thinking it'll pay off in the end.
Because all that'll happen is something new I'll have to work for.
It's a little scary not caring. And not knowing.
The plan. Well the plan has changed so much.
I guess as of now the plan is graduate school.
But I'm scared shitless about that. I don't think I can get in.
What happens if I don't? What if?
Life is a whole bunch of what ifs.
But you know what...
Fuck ten years. I don't even know what I'll be doing in ten minutes.
And I've been so apathetic lately, I also don't care.
That sounds weird. I know.
But I'm just so goddamn tired. I'm tired of caring. I'm tired of working and planning and thinking it'll pay off in the end.
Because all that'll happen is something new I'll have to work for.
It's a little scary not caring. And not knowing.
The plan. Well the plan has changed so much.
I guess as of now the plan is graduate school.
But I'm scared shitless about that. I don't think I can get in.
What happens if I don't? What if?
Life is a whole bunch of what ifs.
But you know what...
Fuck ten years. I don't even know what I'll be doing in ten minutes.
12.06.2010
30 Day Challenge - Day 1
There's no way in hell I could pull off this challenge consecutively. I'm far too busy. So here's Day 1.
Honestly, the fact that Day 1 of this challenge is about my relationship status makes me more than a little miffed and convinced that the universe is out to get me.
From that you can of course guess I'm Single. And honestly, single life doesn't usually bother me. I'm ok with being single. I'm more than used to and comfortable with being alone and doing my own thing. But these days its really been getting to me. I think a large amount of it probably has to do with the fact that my last two relationships were far out of the ordinary and have had a significant impact on me. The last one in particular is bound to leave a lasting scar and has definitely changed my outlook on life.
But the thing that's bugging me the most is that I lost a lot of faith in myself.
I was never extremely fearful in relation to guys and relationships. For the most part I was actually pretty bold about the whole thing.
But now that I'm ready to move on from my past relationship, I'm finding I can't. The boy I'm interested in is hard to read, and normally this wouldn't deter me at all, but I've lost faith in myself altogether. I can't bring myself to do anything about it. In fact, I'm more than a little terrified. I'm tired. Sick and tired. Of being hurt, of having my faith shattered, of being in love and not getting it in return.
Go figure, he's sitting next to me as I write this.
And I'm too scared to turn the screen towards him and show him this.
But that's life I suppose. And I'll hold out while I can. Maybe I'll regain that faith in myself.
But for now we'll stick with single and hating it.
Honestly, the fact that Day 1 of this challenge is about my relationship status makes me more than a little miffed and convinced that the universe is out to get me.
From that you can of course guess I'm Single. And honestly, single life doesn't usually bother me. I'm ok with being single. I'm more than used to and comfortable with being alone and doing my own thing. But these days its really been getting to me. I think a large amount of it probably has to do with the fact that my last two relationships were far out of the ordinary and have had a significant impact on me. The last one in particular is bound to leave a lasting scar and has definitely changed my outlook on life.
But the thing that's bugging me the most is that I lost a lot of faith in myself.
I was never extremely fearful in relation to guys and relationships. For the most part I was actually pretty bold about the whole thing.
But now that I'm ready to move on from my past relationship, I'm finding I can't. The boy I'm interested in is hard to read, and normally this wouldn't deter me at all, but I've lost faith in myself altogether. I can't bring myself to do anything about it. In fact, I'm more than a little terrified. I'm tired. Sick and tired. Of being hurt, of having my faith shattered, of being in love and not getting it in return.
Go figure, he's sitting next to me as I write this.
And I'm too scared to turn the screen towards him and show him this.
But that's life I suppose. And I'll hold out while I can. Maybe I'll regain that faith in myself.
But for now we'll stick with single and hating it.
11.30.2010
30 Day challenge a.k.a. what happens when you're running on empty during hell week.
So this week is Hell Week.
For those of you not in college, out of college for a long time or who haven't reached college yet, hell week is the last week of a semester, before finals period starts. Why hell week? Because it's the week that every class has every last thing due and throws about ten thousand tests at you.
Ok, maybe not ten thousand tests. But I do have a test in every class.
So coming out of my first hell week test feeling pretty decent, and not having access to what I need to complete my next due assignment, I was running around the internet.
haha. That was a funny image in my head. Running around the internet....
Ok ok. Shut up. Stop laughing at me. I'm sleep deprived and caffeine deficient while at work.
Anyway, I came across my friend Allison's tumblr, when I came across this 30 day challenge.
And needing something non-school related to maintain my sanity, I decided to go for it. So staring tomorrow, look for my lovely responses to these 30 questions in 30 days.
Adieu for now.
For those of you not in college, out of college for a long time or who haven't reached college yet, hell week is the last week of a semester, before finals period starts. Why hell week? Because it's the week that every class has every last thing due and throws about ten thousand tests at you.
Ok, maybe not ten thousand tests. But I do have a test in every class.
So coming out of my first hell week test feeling pretty decent, and not having access to what I need to complete my next due assignment, I was running around the internet.
haha. That was a funny image in my head. Running around the internet....
Ok ok. Shut up. Stop laughing at me. I'm sleep deprived and caffeine deficient while at work.
Anyway, I came across my friend Allison's tumblr, when I came across this 30 day challenge.
And needing something non-school related to maintain my sanity, I decided to go for it. So staring tomorrow, look for my lovely responses to these 30 questions in 30 days.
Adieu for now.
11.22.2010
A life without direction and a comparison that makes me look like a complete nerd.
Like most people around the winter holidays, I've found myself in a bit of a dragging and depressing rut. Only instead of it being a short term thing, it's been going for more than a while now.
So how has this depression affected me? To the outside world it hasn't seemed to at all. Mainly because I've gone through it quite a bit before. I'm interacting as minimally as possible, though still cordial and relatively normal. I have moments of normalcy. I'm great at joking and passing it off cavalier as possible (As in this post).
But lets face it. All in all things aren't all too normal. I constantly need sleep when it didn't use to be a problem. I never want to leave my bed. I lack much of an appetite. I agree to do things for the sake of it but I never really enjoy myself all that much. I don't really know what I like or don't, or what I want to do for that matter.
But most of all. I have no motivation. Like seriously. I only do things I feel like when I feel like. I'm worse than a child. It's like a rat in a skinner box. Instant gratification.
The figure below demonstrates what I'm talking about.
In some rat related experiments done by skinner and other psych professionals, rats are given an option of levers, one would dispense food while the other would stimulate the brain to an affect much like orgasm. In most cases the rat would constantly press the lever for orgasm, undergoing starvation.
Guess which lever I'm pressing (I'll give you a hint. It's not the food lever)
So maybe it doesn't mean constant orgasm. Trust me I kind of wish it did. But I only do what immediately amuses me. In other words its quite a struggle to do my homework, to go to class, etc.
But it sucks. So that's a bit on my life right now blog readers.
A life sans much direction.
Are any of the rest of you going through this? How're you dealing with your quarterlife crisis (Or are you fortunate enough not to have one?) ? What do you do for motivation?
So how has this depression affected me? To the outside world it hasn't seemed to at all. Mainly because I've gone through it quite a bit before. I'm interacting as minimally as possible, though still cordial and relatively normal. I have moments of normalcy. I'm great at joking and passing it off cavalier as possible (As in this post).
But lets face it. All in all things aren't all too normal. I constantly need sleep when it didn't use to be a problem. I never want to leave my bed. I lack much of an appetite. I agree to do things for the sake of it but I never really enjoy myself all that much. I don't really know what I like or don't, or what I want to do for that matter.
But most of all. I have no motivation. Like seriously. I only do things I feel like when I feel like. I'm worse than a child. It's like a rat in a skinner box. Instant gratification.
The figure below demonstrates what I'm talking about.
In some rat related experiments done by skinner and other psych professionals, rats are given an option of levers, one would dispense food while the other would stimulate the brain to an affect much like orgasm. In most cases the rat would constantly press the lever for orgasm, undergoing starvation.
Guess which lever I'm pressing (I'll give you a hint. It's not the food lever)
So maybe it doesn't mean constant orgasm. Trust me I kind of wish it did. But I only do what immediately amuses me. In other words its quite a struggle to do my homework, to go to class, etc.
But it sucks. So that's a bit on my life right now blog readers.
A life sans much direction.
Are any of the rest of you going through this? How're you dealing with your quarterlife crisis (Or are you fortunate enough not to have one?) ? What do you do for motivation?
11.18.2010
Harry Potter 7 Part 1. Or Why my University is better than yours!
My excitement is the highest its ever been when I've had so much work to do. I say this because I have a 10 pages due @ 5 tomorrow. Plans for 4 tomorrow. And I only have maybe two pages.
So why excited.
I have a ticket for Harry Potter tonight.
So now you're all "BAD IDEA. YOU HAZ PAPER DUE."
Well, you're wrong.
It's a great idea.
Because it's for an 8 pm showing.
Yes, I will be seeing Harry Potter before most of you. #insertbragginghere
And its better than midnight because not only do I get to see it early, but it gives me the ability to pull an all nighter for this paper. #prioritieswhatpriorites
So my wonderful wonderful school got a substantial amount of tickets for pre-showings negotiated with our nearest movie theatre. So this also means I'll be seeing it with a big group of people that I know and love and we can be cray cray as possible.
Yes. I just used cray cray. Yes I'm sleep deprived.
I'm so behind on this paper because I've had about 50 bagillion things due between when it was assigned and now. So I didn't get a head start like I wanted.
At least my research is done? <---bad attempt at optimism.
But you know what? Eff subjective well-being and its relation to extraversion.
I'm subjectively well-beinnnngg..?
Because I'm happy dammit.
I get to see Harry Potter. :D
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