Words of Wisdom

People surprise me sometimes.

I was given excellent words of wisdom from my friend Eddie, after I told him about an encounter between me and the "friend" in my trust post that didn't go well.

He told me this:
Sometimes the best thing to do is ignore people who claim to be your friends like that [this is in respect to a few people we know actually]. Be civil, but don't go beyond that. You have bigger things to worry about. And if he notices this and cares, then make a point to him that he has to do something about it.

He also said:
We may come off as cold or anti-social people because we don't run up to other faking happiness to meet them or asking to be their friends immediately. That's what it is, fake. We keep to ourselves rather than fake things to suck up, seem cool or be able to ask favors later. And later on, when we get to know people and they really need someone, we're there for them. When they need us we're warm. True warmth is warmth when you actually care, warmth when it counts. Not warmth for show. Because those people tend to be the ones who let you down.


Oddly enough, this all cheered me up. Things still aren't peachy and I'm still not sure what to do about that friend of mine, mainly because he's so important to me. But I think this might be a step in the right direction.

I hate Sugarcult for summing me up right now

"Pretty girl is suffering while he confesses everything,
pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about.
And that's what you get for falling again, you can never get him out of your head.
And that's what you get for falling again, you can never get him out of your head.
It's the way that he makes you feel,
it's the way that he kisses you,
it's the way that he makes you fall in love."
-Pretty Girl, Sugarcult

Some people wait a lifetime...

...For a moment like this. -Kelly Clarkson

Except, of course, I'm not sure what this moment is.

So yeah, I'm known for being Bipolar and all. But the fact of the matter is I have these moments.
Ones where, I feel like I'm expecting something. Where I know something in my life is going to change, who knows if for the good or the bad.
And so they haunt me, days and weeks and months.
Until finally.
It's like they were never there.
Until it happens again and I look back and realize the significance of these moments.

Well, I'm having a moment.
And I'm not looking forward to the significance.

I'm really hoping it's just because I've finally finished this writing notebook. After years of gruesome abuse to the thing and horrible and haunted thoughts that fill it.

I have a new one. It's light and pretty. For some reason it brings hope.

Well, I hope that's the significance.
Because closing that notebook knowing I won't write in it again is like the end of something big.

But with my luck,
this isn't it.

I'm not sure I want a moment like this.

"You can be as loud as you want (When You're making love)"

If anyone was curious, that quote is from Avenue Q. And I feel it has vague associations to my following rant:


People are always griping about children out of wedlock, less families that are connected through marriage and the high divorce rate. And I think I'm starting to realize the source of the problem.

Attitude towards relationships and what's acceptable.

Hook-ups are becoming "no big" (in the words of my roommate), and sober hook-ups are even considered acceptable on some basis. It's aggravating where the goal of society is "Hooking up" because "Oh, I don't have 'time' for a relationship" or "relationships are trouble," or whatever other bull shit excuse people are trying to swallow.

Students (especially here at Rice) need to realize a healthy relationship means functioning primarily as friends. You don't need to be with your significant other 24/7. Hell, you don't even need to see them everyday. A healthy relationship relies on the ability to be apart as well as together. You don't need to be all over each other every time you're together. and if you communicate, drama doesn't happen as often.

The fact of the matter is we're just too deluded to realize this.

Also, lust and infatuation are not love. If you've been dating a few months you shouldn't even be thinking about marriage. Chances are if you're a teenager you won't marry the person you're currently dating. Just enjoy what you have while you have it. No need to be so serious.

The source of this rant (seeing as I don't recall giving this to anyone and if I did you're a person I'm close to and trust):

So there's this boy. We'll call him Sean for sake of safety.

I like Sean. Sean's a really good friend of mine. We've been flirty this semester but we're good friends. And while I like another guy, I've been finding myself liking Sean more and more.

Well, after a tough multivariable calculus exam, Sean and I decided to watch Fight Club since he had never seen it before. We cuddled a bit (not unusual for us) he pulled me into his arms (unusual) and once the movie was over, we started making out. (If you need clarification here, that obviously is beyond unusual).

After a fair amount of time, we I leave and go to bed. We don't really talk about what happened. The next day I'm freaking out because the fact of the matter is you don't hook up with a friend, especially while completely sober. But when I see Sean he gives me a hug and we talk like we normally do, as if nothing happened.

Sean and I go to the library to study for our chemistry exam. We get a study room and work. I'm so distracted by what happened yesterday I can't concentrate and act ADD. I stop studying. Sean's distracted by my goofiness. He plans on finishing a practice test and then leaving. He has his head on mine while working on his test, and when he finishes (after staring at it for a long while, his arm around my waist, tracing circles on my hand) he tosses it onto the desk. We make out again. We leave the library, having a normal conversation again. And go to bed.

Sean and I are planning on watching movie tonight again. And I have a feeling again this'll happen. And while I'm concerned about what it means, I'm not sure Sean is, or if he even cares.

Regardless, our failure to talk about it shows the acceptablity of the situation that I find so unpleasant.

So I guess, wish me luck, because I'm asking him about it tonight.