So even though I've been done with finals for a smidge now, I barely got home on Saturday.
Since then, life has been a lot of mosy-ing around.
I figure this first week or two is a break. But then it just becomes stressful. For some reason I was under the delusion summer would be a break. But now between working on a part-time job, finding a research lab to volunteer in, working on graduate school applications and studying for the GRE, I have no clue how I'm supposed to not be worn out.
Which of course sucks, because being perpetually worn out is screwing with my life.
I just don't know where I'm supposed to find balance. Taking a break has been nice. I saw Something Borrowed and the Kids are All Right. I'm seeing Thor tomorrow. I've organized a bit, worked on my music library and planned on some room re-arrangement. But when I pause to think all I get is how crazy and stressed things will be soon. And with no real reprieve of friends or fun, given my parents are their psychotic mindset.
Not feeling the summer love right now. Definitely notl
5.11.2011
5.05.2011
4.25.2011
A Shameless Plug
No new work from me. It's finals period.
I did want to plug a friend's blog though. An amazing writer, who wants to remain entirely anonymous (and sexless). You should check out his/her work. It's new but totes worth your time.
http://themostbeautifulword.blogspot.com
I did want to plug a friend's blog though. An amazing writer, who wants to remain entirely anonymous (and sexless). You should check out his/her work. It's new but totes worth your time.
http://themostbeautifulword.blogspot.com
4.10.2011
On why I need a pet, and the nearing of summer vacation.
I've been feeling rather deprived lately.
I've always noted I had a deprived childhood. I went to the beach for the first time this year, as well as ice skating. I've never been go karting or driven a bumper car.
I've also never had a pet.
I guess it's kind of hard to believe, especially in a society where people cry more over the death of a pet than a death of a person (I'll post about this in the near future, it's what I call the "I am legend phenomenon"), but my mom hates cats and my dad hates dogs, so obviously we're not much of an animal friendly family.
But I always hear people really emphasize the notion of man's best friend. People love their pets and seek them for comfort sometimes unaccomplished by human companions. A pet won't criticize you and your darkest thoughts, wildest dreams or deepest desires. A pet will always listen and cuddles on a bad day.
I've always said I'd get a bunch of cats and name them after writers, and a lot of dogs and name them after significant literary characters. It kind of started as a joke. But I'm starting to feel the need for at least one. A nice little kitten to sit in my lap on gloomy days with wine and a book.
With summer nearing and no definite plans in sight, I'm thinking this might be necessary. College friends will be in their various locations. High school ones are non-existant or are leaving me to go out of the country (-cough-Valorie-cough-) or won't be home long.
Fuck it all. I'm just going to put a cat in my closet and hope my mom doesn't go in there. That'll go great!
'Til next time.
I've always noted I had a deprived childhood. I went to the beach for the first time this year, as well as ice skating. I've never been go karting or driven a bumper car.
I've also never had a pet.
I guess it's kind of hard to believe, especially in a society where people cry more over the death of a pet than a death of a person (I'll post about this in the near future, it's what I call the "I am legend phenomenon"), but my mom hates cats and my dad hates dogs, so obviously we're not much of an animal friendly family.
But I always hear people really emphasize the notion of man's best friend. People love their pets and seek them for comfort sometimes unaccomplished by human companions. A pet won't criticize you and your darkest thoughts, wildest dreams or deepest desires. A pet will always listen and cuddles on a bad day.
I've always said I'd get a bunch of cats and name them after writers, and a lot of dogs and name them after significant literary characters. It kind of started as a joke. But I'm starting to feel the need for at least one. A nice little kitten to sit in my lap on gloomy days with wine and a book.
With summer nearing and no definite plans in sight, I'm thinking this might be necessary. College friends will be in their various locations. High school ones are non-existant or are leaving me to go out of the country (-cough-Valorie-cough-) or won't be home long.
Fuck it all. I'm just going to put a cat in my closet and hope my mom doesn't go in there. That'll go great!
'Til next time.
3.17.2011
Underappreciation, and why overachieving college kids are frustrating.
*This is something of a rant post. I just coordinated the largest campus event for my college and I am pretty pissed now. Got a problem? Don't read it.*
A lot of people like to think they're infallible. Particularly so when it comes to seeing someone else operate under a stressful situation. Let's be honest, we've all done it from time to time. "Oh, that's easy." or "If I were doing it, I would do it this way." "I know what it's like to be that stressed, it's not that hard." etc etc. And yeah, sometimes people overreact, or do things improperly and make their lives more complicated. But that's not always the case.
Beer Bike.
A tradition at Rice, that's easily the biggest campus event of the school year. Also probably the even that brings in the most alumni (including homecoming). It's a week long of events leading up to race day of biking and chugging (water. No one but the GSA does beer anymore). And I (in my psychotic "I like to suffer" mindset), opted to coordinate for my residential college this year.
And while coordinating was miserable and stressful and I will likely NEVER do it again, the worst part wasn't the coordinating. It was the people who acted like or thought they could do or handle my job.
So a bit of background. School doesn't stop for beer bike. Your course load, whatever it might be, won't change. Work stays. As do tutorials, labs, meetings. I'm taking 14 hours, two of my classes are work intensive. I'm in class all day tuesday and thursday. I do research at MD Anderson six hours a week, spread across monday and wednesday. I also have on campus research lab meetings, am secretary of a Hispanic club, and a job a few hours a week. That leaves very little time for anything beyond much of homework.
Now add Beer Bike. Jones starts meeting rather regularly in October to start sponsorship and plan events. There's also the occasional bimonthly campus wide meetings. So add those two things in. Also, sponsorship is a lot of driving around, talking and meeting with people. Mr. Jones happens in October, so that's a half of a week of doing a lot of BB stuff. December picks up a bit in the realms of sponsorship. So BB is not bad at first.
But then you come back from break for January. Campus wide meetings are weekly. sometimes your other coordinators for campus wide are competent. sometimes not. Meetings sometimes last three hours depending on this. Also, the rest of your coordinating team might not be helpful, so you may be the only one from your college there. Sponsorship is in full gear everyday thing. You'll probably start skipping extracurriculars or moving meetings around. You also have to plan the first event at the end of January (this'll take a week of planning if you're lucky), take theme requests, come up with a ballot and dodge angry "WHY WASN'T THIS THEME ON THERE." etc etc.
February hits. Meetings go longer and are occasionally twice a week. College meetings are weekly or bi weekly as well. If you have no help you have to figure out details like funding, the budget, shirt design, balloons, willy week events, etc. There's also a lot of campus decisions such as the parade, rules and fines, etc. Shirts have to be in probably by the end of the month and honestly, no one else will design it. You have to start budgeting for kegs, shirts, swag, etc. You'll do Beer Bike stuff in class instead of taking notes and you'll probably scribble down your homework five minutes before its due. Even if you have a scheduled "I'll do homework now" time, and are diligent, Beer bike will interfere. And if you're the only coordinator on your team with any sense of deadlines you'll be the only one doing work and nagging the others to do their work.
Willy Week. You've stopped going to class. If you go, you're not all there or you end up leaving early to take care of things. You have to dodge people from your college, campus wide, etc. you have to get your fellow coordinators going and pick up their slack. If you're somewhere like jones there's daily events. You'll likely forget something you need and keep running to the store. You have to prep for sponsors, constantly have food and drinks, be ready with swag, tshirts, and questions about various things you haven't planned or are out of your control. This happens daily and anything you miss will pile up like a bad game of katamari. People think they can do your job and when you hint that if that's the case you'd appreciate the help, they come up with something else to do, are like "oh I have a test" (Oh, and what? I don't have work to do?), or are like "But it's not my job." (THEN SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH DOUCHE). It'll take a two hour meeting the day before to plan, Two hours of set up. An hour of panic of others not doing their part you agreed on in the meeting before. About half an hour to create a mess from other students, hear bitching, etc, and three hours of post-event clean up before planning the next one.
You won't sleep the night before. Things'll come up. Things other coordinators put off will become your job, particularly if they're on a team.
You have to have all sorts of minor things ready for the teams the next day. If other coordinators are on teams, you're almost the only one making sure the small details and paperwork are done. You need waivers in. You have to hunt down drunk people to give them their wristbands and make sure they're doing what they need to. You need to hunt down drunk alumni for the alumni team. All while putting out multiple kegs, powerhours, events, tshirts last minute, breakfast, painting and prep stuff and getting the teams ready. If you have a coordinator who shuts down under stress you're screwed. You also have to make sure no one is being too retarded and lay down the law.
On the track you'll probably still be tracking down waivers and wristbands. You have to be sharp to make sure no drunken idiot causes you fines or DQs. You have to know the rules and be ready to run around back and forth to talk to campus wide and other coordinators. Things will go wrong.
When its over you think you're done. Except for dinner, and victory party.
No one mentions clean up (which five people will do for a college of a few hundred), keg movement, follow up forms, fine meetings and such.
And still your overachieving perfectionist peers will be saying "They could've done this better." or "It wasn't that hard" or "They messed up." and other various complaints behind your back while muttering small fake "Great job. Thank you. We appreciate it."
No I'm not saying NO ONE can do my job. Sure, people can. But it's not easy. Don't think you won't be as stressed or miserable. You will be, if not worse. Don't play it off as easy if you've never done it. You're not perfect, you'll have the same problem. And don't lie to my face and be like "oh I appreciate it." You're only being appreciative because you were told to. Take the time to think of the stress. What the coordinators give up and do so you can have a great event. How grades and nerves and sleep has suffered. Then tell me you're appreciative.
A lot of people like to think they're infallible. Particularly so when it comes to seeing someone else operate under a stressful situation. Let's be honest, we've all done it from time to time. "Oh, that's easy." or "If I were doing it, I would do it this way." "I know what it's like to be that stressed, it's not that hard." etc etc. And yeah, sometimes people overreact, or do things improperly and make their lives more complicated. But that's not always the case.
Beer Bike.
A tradition at Rice, that's easily the biggest campus event of the school year. Also probably the even that brings in the most alumni (including homecoming). It's a week long of events leading up to race day of biking and chugging (water. No one but the GSA does beer anymore). And I (in my psychotic "I like to suffer" mindset), opted to coordinate for my residential college this year.
And while coordinating was miserable and stressful and I will likely NEVER do it again, the worst part wasn't the coordinating. It was the people who acted like or thought they could do or handle my job.
So a bit of background. School doesn't stop for beer bike. Your course load, whatever it might be, won't change. Work stays. As do tutorials, labs, meetings. I'm taking 14 hours, two of my classes are work intensive. I'm in class all day tuesday and thursday. I do research at MD Anderson six hours a week, spread across monday and wednesday. I also have on campus research lab meetings, am secretary of a Hispanic club, and a job a few hours a week. That leaves very little time for anything beyond much of homework.
Now add Beer Bike. Jones starts meeting rather regularly in October to start sponsorship and plan events. There's also the occasional bimonthly campus wide meetings. So add those two things in. Also, sponsorship is a lot of driving around, talking and meeting with people. Mr. Jones happens in October, so that's a half of a week of doing a lot of BB stuff. December picks up a bit in the realms of sponsorship. So BB is not bad at first.
But then you come back from break for January. Campus wide meetings are weekly. sometimes your other coordinators for campus wide are competent. sometimes not. Meetings sometimes last three hours depending on this. Also, the rest of your coordinating team might not be helpful, so you may be the only one from your college there. Sponsorship is in full gear everyday thing. You'll probably start skipping extracurriculars or moving meetings around. You also have to plan the first event at the end of January (this'll take a week of planning if you're lucky), take theme requests, come up with a ballot and dodge angry "WHY WASN'T THIS THEME ON THERE." etc etc.
February hits. Meetings go longer and are occasionally twice a week. College meetings are weekly or bi weekly as well. If you have no help you have to figure out details like funding, the budget, shirt design, balloons, willy week events, etc. There's also a lot of campus decisions such as the parade, rules and fines, etc. Shirts have to be in probably by the end of the month and honestly, no one else will design it. You have to start budgeting for kegs, shirts, swag, etc. You'll do Beer Bike stuff in class instead of taking notes and you'll probably scribble down your homework five minutes before its due. Even if you have a scheduled "I'll do homework now" time, and are diligent, Beer bike will interfere. And if you're the only coordinator on your team with any sense of deadlines you'll be the only one doing work and nagging the others to do their work.
Willy Week. You've stopped going to class. If you go, you're not all there or you end up leaving early to take care of things. You have to dodge people from your college, campus wide, etc. you have to get your fellow coordinators going and pick up their slack. If you're somewhere like jones there's daily events. You'll likely forget something you need and keep running to the store. You have to prep for sponsors, constantly have food and drinks, be ready with swag, tshirts, and questions about various things you haven't planned or are out of your control. This happens daily and anything you miss will pile up like a bad game of katamari. People think they can do your job and when you hint that if that's the case you'd appreciate the help, they come up with something else to do, are like "oh I have a test" (Oh, and what? I don't have work to do?), or are like "But it's not my job." (THEN SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH DOUCHE). It'll take a two hour meeting the day before to plan, Two hours of set up. An hour of panic of others not doing their part you agreed on in the meeting before. About half an hour to create a mess from other students, hear bitching, etc, and three hours of post-event clean up before planning the next one.
You won't sleep the night before. Things'll come up. Things other coordinators put off will become your job, particularly if they're on a team.
You have to have all sorts of minor things ready for the teams the next day. If other coordinators are on teams, you're almost the only one making sure the small details and paperwork are done. You need waivers in. You have to hunt down drunk people to give them their wristbands and make sure they're doing what they need to. You need to hunt down drunk alumni for the alumni team. All while putting out multiple kegs, powerhours, events, tshirts last minute, breakfast, painting and prep stuff and getting the teams ready. If you have a coordinator who shuts down under stress you're screwed. You also have to make sure no one is being too retarded and lay down the law.
On the track you'll probably still be tracking down waivers and wristbands. You have to be sharp to make sure no drunken idiot causes you fines or DQs. You have to know the rules and be ready to run around back and forth to talk to campus wide and other coordinators. Things will go wrong.
When its over you think you're done. Except for dinner, and victory party.
No one mentions clean up (which five people will do for a college of a few hundred), keg movement, follow up forms, fine meetings and such.
And still your overachieving perfectionist peers will be saying "They could've done this better." or "It wasn't that hard" or "They messed up." and other various complaints behind your back while muttering small fake "Great job. Thank you. We appreciate it."
No I'm not saying NO ONE can do my job. Sure, people can. But it's not easy. Don't think you won't be as stressed or miserable. You will be, if not worse. Don't play it off as easy if you've never done it. You're not perfect, you'll have the same problem. And don't lie to my face and be like "oh I appreciate it." You're only being appreciative because you were told to. Take the time to think of the stress. What the coordinators give up and do so you can have a great event. How grades and nerves and sleep has suffered. Then tell me you're appreciative.
3.06.2011
And commence depression...
Actually, depression might be too strong a word for it. At least, for now it's not a full depressive cycle. But I'm definitely feeling the oncomings of it. Instead its mostly a dampened mood of lack-luster thoughts, increasing disbelief and disenchantment, and a lot more bitter met with a lot less sweet.
The thing about being bipolar, but only mildly to moderately so, without real medical intervention, is that it has made me hyper-aware of my moods. And although it is often difficult to properly verbalize my sentiments, I can create extremely accurate portrayals in words.
Meditation and discipline have done wonders for my states. Though they are largely unpreventable, the ability to recognize cognitively where I am headed helps me prepare for the onslaught and whirlwind that follows. It can also turn depression into a moderate depressive mood, rather than a severe and ongoing battle of major depression.
The issue then, becomes the trade-off. Functionality in a person with any form of mental illness yields an unprecedented lack of empathy and sympathy. It doesn't interfere significantly the ability to function independently to a socially acceptable degree, and thus the ability to care stops. But the phase between functionality and the verge of losing it all, a sort of limbo if you will, is the worst place to be. No one wants to lose it all, but with the lack of support, one almost tends in that direction through a sort of self fulfilling prophecy. And thus, a person who can function, but wants to be fully better, turns to a loss of functionality to gain the social support they need to be fully better, a nearly contradictory step back in the hopes of making a step forward. Yet a person should never have to take that step back if people accepted that functionality does not yield wellness.
I'm tired. Tired of being depressed. Tired of knowing what lies ahead. And so ready to give up on trying. Even now the hues around my room that i know were once vibrant seems dull. Lime green looks like a yellow green crayon on old manilla paper. Electric purple looks like a fading neon sign. Bright blues look like the sky as dusk approaches. Music seems flat and distant. The words of eloquent song writers that once held promise seem like they hold empty promises. And yet other words are unavoidable. Certain ones seems to scream out amongst the sea of others in the background, spread together like constant onslaught of an old television's hum. Thoughts that were once invigorating seem unreachable, veiled by some unknown force.
My thoughts wander to specific events. Failure and disappointment. My thoughts wander to him. Or multiple hims. What could've been, what would've been, what is and what still could be. Every old wound reopens, like the breaking of a scab too soon. Doubts commence.
The things I was once proud of seem foreign. I no longer trust my fashion sense. The guitar sounds out of tune despite the blinking green of the tuner. The chords and rhythms don't seem to work. The words won't form. The phrases don't work. The pages of unfinished novel seem unfit. Months and years of work seem poorly written and worthless. And it feels like the one thing I thought I could always turn to is lost. Hopes and dreams seem like dreams themselves, little more than distant imagination lingering from a barely remembered dream.
And yet I still function. I get out of bed. I go to class. I take on my duties. I make myself eat and I interact, frazzled at trying to keep up, and trying to care. I write this blog post. I have to keep going. Keep moving. If i let myself stop, I can't guarantee I'll be able to do it again. Who's to say that if I let myself go for one second that I'll be able to start again. I might not get out of bed. I might not be able to feed myself. I might stare off into space, un-rattled by the world. I've been there. I don't want to go again.
But commence the depression. The foreboding almost makes it worse. Or maybe it is worse. I can never tell. Even now it's seeping through, closer and closer as I end these words. The cycle is not here yet, but I can feel it coming.
The thing about being bipolar, but only mildly to moderately so, without real medical intervention, is that it has made me hyper-aware of my moods. And although it is often difficult to properly verbalize my sentiments, I can create extremely accurate portrayals in words.
Meditation and discipline have done wonders for my states. Though they are largely unpreventable, the ability to recognize cognitively where I am headed helps me prepare for the onslaught and whirlwind that follows. It can also turn depression into a moderate depressive mood, rather than a severe and ongoing battle of major depression.
The issue then, becomes the trade-off. Functionality in a person with any form of mental illness yields an unprecedented lack of empathy and sympathy. It doesn't interfere significantly the ability to function independently to a socially acceptable degree, and thus the ability to care stops. But the phase between functionality and the verge of losing it all, a sort of limbo if you will, is the worst place to be. No one wants to lose it all, but with the lack of support, one almost tends in that direction through a sort of self fulfilling prophecy. And thus, a person who can function, but wants to be fully better, turns to a loss of functionality to gain the social support they need to be fully better, a nearly contradictory step back in the hopes of making a step forward. Yet a person should never have to take that step back if people accepted that functionality does not yield wellness.
I'm tired. Tired of being depressed. Tired of knowing what lies ahead. And so ready to give up on trying. Even now the hues around my room that i know were once vibrant seems dull. Lime green looks like a yellow green crayon on old manilla paper. Electric purple looks like a fading neon sign. Bright blues look like the sky as dusk approaches. Music seems flat and distant. The words of eloquent song writers that once held promise seem like they hold empty promises. And yet other words are unavoidable. Certain ones seems to scream out amongst the sea of others in the background, spread together like constant onslaught of an old television's hum. Thoughts that were once invigorating seem unreachable, veiled by some unknown force.
My thoughts wander to specific events. Failure and disappointment. My thoughts wander to him. Or multiple hims. What could've been, what would've been, what is and what still could be. Every old wound reopens, like the breaking of a scab too soon. Doubts commence.
The things I was once proud of seem foreign. I no longer trust my fashion sense. The guitar sounds out of tune despite the blinking green of the tuner. The chords and rhythms don't seem to work. The words won't form. The phrases don't work. The pages of unfinished novel seem unfit. Months and years of work seem poorly written and worthless. And it feels like the one thing I thought I could always turn to is lost. Hopes and dreams seem like dreams themselves, little more than distant imagination lingering from a barely remembered dream.
And yet I still function. I get out of bed. I go to class. I take on my duties. I make myself eat and I interact, frazzled at trying to keep up, and trying to care. I write this blog post. I have to keep going. Keep moving. If i let myself stop, I can't guarantee I'll be able to do it again. Who's to say that if I let myself go for one second that I'll be able to start again. I might not get out of bed. I might not be able to feed myself. I might stare off into space, un-rattled by the world. I've been there. I don't want to go again.
But commence the depression. The foreboding almost makes it worse. Or maybe it is worse. I can never tell. Even now it's seeping through, closer and closer as I end these words. The cycle is not here yet, but I can feel it coming.
2.14.2011
Valentine's Sentiments
Well, given the state of how much work I have, I've determine I might never get a new layout done. So for now we're living with this. Hope no one minds. (If you do mind, you probably have issues though...j/k. Maybe.)
Anyway.
It's Valentine's Day. And I just really wanted to share my beliefs and their roots.
Now before you click away, this isn't going to be some femi-nazi "RAWR VALENTINES DAY FEMINISM" rant. Nor will it be an "I'M SINGLE AND LONELY AND NO ONE LOVES ME" one. Although that might be closer to the truth. (j/k. again) Instead, I just want to share my thoughts on why this holiday is a negative thing and promotes a poor outlook on life.
Fact 1: If your so called Holiday's factual basis is unknown, or has a certain lack of consistency, should it still be celebrated? Probably not.
Though it has been removed from the Roman Catholic Saint's Calendar observances, the Day of St. Valentine, set on February 14th, was originally a feast day. There are a number of martyred saints named Valentine, so no one really knows much about the one for whom the fest is written, beyond the fact that he was buried on the 14th of February. Many claim he was martyred for marrying Christian couples, but there's no evidence of this beyond story. It is more likely that the day was created to encompass the pagan holiday of Lupercalia (or at least, this is suggested by some Victorian historians). Fact of the matter is that the celebrations of "love" didn't come until significantly later, in the 14th century, with Chaucer's incorporation of a love into a poem. (Yes, the same Chaucer most people hate for Canteburry Tales which, despite a true amount of artistic merit, is just a bitch to read and analyze because of it's Middle English reliance).
[A/N: I have the same sentiments on this as I do about Christmas. I'm largely not religious, though I can respect those who have religion. But if you're celebrating your savior's birthday in winter, when most theologians place it in Spring, and the date happens to coincide with the Pagan holiday of Yule and use pagan traditions is largely overshadowed by the purchasing of gifts, it's kind of retarded. Just saying. Although people with the right kind of "christmas" spirit make me happy. :D]
Fact 2: If you live in a nation of consumerists, and hypocritically bitch about it's consumerist nature, while being a largely unconscious consumerist, a holiday that promotes rampant consumerism only makes you more hypocritical.
Written Valentine's became an occurrence after Chaucer's atrocity, but mass produced Valentines didn't become the norm until the 19th century. (probably as a means for horny and prudish Victorians to profess themselves.... let's face it.) These days, 180 million cards are given annually (this makes it the second most. The most is Christmas.) People even give cards to their pets. Men spend an average of 130$ on cards, candy and jewelry. 14.4 billion dollars of shipments for valentines day were sent in 2007 for CHOCOLATE ONLY. Geesh people. Give it a break. How about donating some of that money to those in need? or spreading it across the year to show love for your partner at all times and not just one day.
Fact 3: If your symbology is related to a Pagan god known as the promoter of lust and sexual love, you've got issues.
Valentine's symbolism is probably the most ironic thing on the planet. Cupid? He's reminiscent of a combination of an angelic cherub, and Eros, the greek god of sexual love. Yes. Let's promote LUST instead of true love. Great idea. Or how about hearts? THAT LOOK NOTHING LIKE HEARTS. Did you know the the symbol we currently use for a heart is made as a figure of a woman bending over? Yeah. That's right. Think about that one for a second.
Fact 4: LOVE means so much more than ONE freaking holiday.
What's the one thing you hear people lament about at funerals? "I should've told him/her that I loved him/her more." So why do we celebrate ONE day of love. Love, no matter what kind, be it puppy, romantic, or between friends or family, should be celebrated. It's a gift. I'm hispanic. If there's one thing my people believe in above all else it's love. Relationships that don't encourage a constant state or sentiment of love just shouldn't be promoted. Love is all around, and we should remember that. Imagine how much better the world would be if people held that thought dear more often.
So here's my hopes for you, dear reader. Give up the consumerist aspect of a shitty holiday. Don't buy cards or candy (maybe sparingly....). Spend the day without fluff. Hang out with someone you love, no matter in what way, and tell them that you love them. Not just today. But tomorrow. And the day after. And after that. So long as it remains true.
Anyway.
It's Valentine's Day. And I just really wanted to share my beliefs and their roots.
Now before you click away, this isn't going to be some femi-nazi "RAWR VALENTINES DAY FEMINISM" rant. Nor will it be an "I'M SINGLE AND LONELY AND NO ONE LOVES ME" one. Although that might be closer to the truth. (j/k. again) Instead, I just want to share my thoughts on why this holiday is a negative thing and promotes a poor outlook on life.
Fact 1: If your so called Holiday's factual basis is unknown, or has a certain lack of consistency, should it still be celebrated? Probably not.
Though it has been removed from the Roman Catholic Saint's Calendar observances, the Day of St. Valentine, set on February 14th, was originally a feast day. There are a number of martyred saints named Valentine, so no one really knows much about the one for whom the fest is written, beyond the fact that he was buried on the 14th of February. Many claim he was martyred for marrying Christian couples, but there's no evidence of this beyond story. It is more likely that the day was created to encompass the pagan holiday of Lupercalia (or at least, this is suggested by some Victorian historians). Fact of the matter is that the celebrations of "love" didn't come until significantly later, in the 14th century, with Chaucer's incorporation of a love into a poem. (Yes, the same Chaucer most people hate for Canteburry Tales which, despite a true amount of artistic merit, is just a bitch to read and analyze because of it's Middle English reliance).
[A/N: I have the same sentiments on this as I do about Christmas. I'm largely not religious, though I can respect those who have religion. But if you're celebrating your savior's birthday in winter, when most theologians place it in Spring, and the date happens to coincide with the Pagan holiday of Yule and use pagan traditions is largely overshadowed by the purchasing of gifts, it's kind of retarded. Just saying. Although people with the right kind of "christmas" spirit make me happy. :D]
Fact 2: If you live in a nation of consumerists, and hypocritically bitch about it's consumerist nature, while being a largely unconscious consumerist, a holiday that promotes rampant consumerism only makes you more hypocritical.
Written Valentine's became an occurrence after Chaucer's atrocity, but mass produced Valentines didn't become the norm until the 19th century. (probably as a means for horny and prudish Victorians to profess themselves.... let's face it.) These days, 180 million cards are given annually (this makes it the second most. The most is Christmas.) People even give cards to their pets. Men spend an average of 130$ on cards, candy and jewelry. 14.4 billion dollars of shipments for valentines day were sent in 2007 for CHOCOLATE ONLY. Geesh people. Give it a break. How about donating some of that money to those in need? or spreading it across the year to show love for your partner at all times and not just one day.
Fact 3: If your symbology is related to a Pagan god known as the promoter of lust and sexual love, you've got issues.
Valentine's symbolism is probably the most ironic thing on the planet. Cupid? He's reminiscent of a combination of an angelic cherub, and Eros, the greek god of sexual love. Yes. Let's promote LUST instead of true love. Great idea. Or how about hearts? THAT LOOK NOTHING LIKE HEARTS. Did you know the the symbol we currently use for a heart is made as a figure of a woman bending over? Yeah. That's right. Think about that one for a second.
Fact 4: LOVE means so much more than ONE freaking holiday.
What's the one thing you hear people lament about at funerals? "I should've told him/her that I loved him/her more." So why do we celebrate ONE day of love. Love, no matter what kind, be it puppy, romantic, or between friends or family, should be celebrated. It's a gift. I'm hispanic. If there's one thing my people believe in above all else it's love. Relationships that don't encourage a constant state or sentiment of love just shouldn't be promoted. Love is all around, and we should remember that. Imagine how much better the world would be if people held that thought dear more often.
So here's my hopes for you, dear reader. Give up the consumerist aspect of a shitty holiday. Don't buy cards or candy (maybe sparingly....). Spend the day without fluff. Hang out with someone you love, no matter in what way, and tell them that you love them. Not just today. But tomorrow. And the day after. And after that. So long as it remains true.
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