Day by day, only 24 hours away.

I try to keep this blog up as much as possible. I tend to blog when I have something important I feel I should say, when I have ideas bouncing around in my head and when I'm generally happy (though there are a few upsetting blog posts admittedly). But lately, I've been kind of doing a day by day thing in my life. I've kind of have gone from one rut to another. I don't really work anymore, and it's not like my days are planned or consist of the same on-goings, but my emotional capacity lately has had the range of a teaspoon (as so wonderfully put by Hermione Granger in Harry Potter). I haven't really hit happy lately. When I'm with friends I try to keep my mood up and be content, but I haven't really gone beyond that. Most of the time I just "am." Emotionless. And when I'm not there, I'm down, slowly reverting back to my depressed and pessimistic ways.

And you know, perhaps I have no reason to be like this-- in this constant mood of discontent where I'm generally not upset so much as unhappy. But really it comes down to perspective, and right now, in my life, my perspective has given me nothing to cling on to for that dire need of blissful emotion. So maybe this blog might come off as whiny or overly analytical, but I need to get this down somehow, and writing is the only way.

For one, the longer I've been home, the more and more I wonder how I ever survived here. My family life, especially now, is really just an acceptance of circumstance. I'm not particularly close to my parents, especially not my mom anymore. And while I love them and sometimes worry, it's instinct over everything. They know nothing about me anymore. My dad's really never know much about me but my mom has slowly drifted as well. They fail to realize how I've changed, treating me like the angry teenager I was instead of the generally accepting person I am now. They treat me like I'm 9 instead of 19. They don't trust me at all (Prime example, my dad pressures me so much when I drive he makes me nervous. I can drive well when he's not with me but he doesn't trust me to drive by myself!) I have a 10:30 curfew and my "interests" are limited to what they find acceptable. I honestly can't stand a good amount of people in this area that I once hung out with a lot (save for two) and I enjoy the company of people I didn't hang out with so much, though now that we've all left it's difficult to get close. And without my own form of travel, my life is entirely dependent on others. I have to work around and be ready at their times. And I'm too independent of a person to be ok with that.

Another problem: School. I'm worried about how I'm going to do, yes, but I'm also a little upset. I didn't really manage to keep in touch with people that well. The problem comes down to the opposite of what I have at home. I know a lot of people, but am not close to many. I'm worried when I go back I won't fall into place well. I hope this year I'll not only do better, but that I'll have a proper niche. But I'm not sure which niche to choose or if I'll succeed where I want to be.

The usual. Boys. You know, girls say boys are stupid a lot, and half of it is really our fault. But this time, I truly stand by it. The boy I'm into is an idiot. Don't get me wrong, I really do like him. A LOT. But he doesn't get it. I mean, he admitted he's an idiot when it comes to relationships and girls, but I didn't realize how much. If you read my blog chances are you know at least the general backstory involved with us. If you don't you can always send me a message and you can get the crazy long full explanation. The point I should emphasize. We're not dating. He's not my boyfriend, I'm not his girlfriend, etc. We are (were?) semi-involved before school ended but due to circumstance we decided to kind of "decide our fate" when school started again. So I mean, he's admitted to liking me, he knows I like him. We said we'd keep in touch and all over summer, so no problem right? PROBLEM!
Well, he's not so good at the keeping in touch. I tried texting at first but I never got much in response. It mostly felt like I was bugging him because it was one sided and he never reciprocated. I called a few times (he called me a bit two), but one of us would be busy and all and it was too inconvienent. I tried to see if he would text or call me if I didn't do it first. That failed.
To add to this. Ex-gf appeared to semi-be in the picture (at least from a facebook stand point). It was always in a group of friends, but I was slightly uncomfortable with this. Towards the end of June (and even now) there's been a stand still where I don't know what to say because I'm upset and jealous (partially rightly so in my honest opinion) especially after all I've been told. But like I emphasized, I'm not his girlfriend. So sounding like a jealous girlfriend is not in my favor. Really there's no good way to approach it.
And even more recently, he went on a roadtrip with a girl from Rice that has a reputation I'm not too fond of. Which makes me even more jealous.
And I'm an absolute wreck over it.
I shouldn't be. My life should not revolve around this boy. But I've been interested since I've met him and have had a crush since the beginning of the year. Not to mention how much went on between us. So I feel like at least before I left we genuinely had something significant.
And now I'm worried. Because what happens when we get back. What if he forgot about settling what we are. Should I bring it up? What if things go bad or he's moved interest after I tried and he promised to keep in touch. What then?

What else? Oh, well I can't write anymore. I've lost the words that used to drive me so well. I don't know what I wantto do. I have no motivation. I just am. I exist and that it. I'm living day by day, and the next one is only 24 hours away.

In the News, Last Week in Review and What the future holds.

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Greetings all,

I haven't blogged in a while. I've just been caught up with the ongoings of life. So we've got some catching up to do.

Firstly, In the News:

There's been some weather/natural disaster issues including an earthquake (6.9) in the Gulf of California, some flooding in India and a Monsoon in Nepal. Also, though Hurricane season has been mellow thus far, they're expecting some large storms again this year. Hopefully there won't be a repeat of Ike.

In Medicine, some French researchers have identified a new HIV strain, this one coming from gorillas rather than chimpanzees (where the already existing three-strains are from). while it is unknown how many humans have this new strain, it suggests more mutation amongst strains and allows a new source of the virus.

Ford is expected to report a profit due to the Cash for Clunkers program where people trade in older vehicles for money towards a new one. While there are many critics of this program, it's believed to be helping for slight jumps in the economy as well as helping phase out obsolete gas guzzling and polluting vehicles.

In California and Minnesota, three gay priests are on the short list to become bishops of the Episcopal church. So Kudos to them.

Ahmadinejad was endorsed in Iran and protesters again took to the streets. It's a shame things have turned out the way they are in that election but sadly such is life. Hopefully the protesters will be safe.

The body of a pilot that disappeared in 1992 was found in an Iraqi desert, allowing closure for his family.

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Last week was pretty fun. I only worked once during the week, which was Wednesday, and that was pretty good. We started our promotion of any animal + a hanging outfit and a pair of shoes for only$30. SO we had a LOT of business.

On Tuesday, there was a party at Kevin's apartment which was fun for the most part. We had an adventure to CatTattoo to get piercings. That failed, but when we successfully got them on Wednesday which was the half off day. Katie got her lobes and cartilage done, Valorie got her Tragus, and I got my Belly Button. It only stung and it looks pretty awesome. It hurt the first day whenever I stretched, which was as expected. Now it just itches.

Friday we went to the Jesse McCartney concert, which was pretty awesome. I've always enjoyed his music, but I was incredibly impressed with his performance. He's incredibly talented and if he plays the six flags circut again next year I'm definitely going.

Afterward we got caught up in potential tornado weather, which was a bit scary but fun. We got a little turned around because we took side roads, but we made it home safe.

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So we're in August now. Two more weeks of hiding the piercing, relatives are coming the week before I go and I'm done working the 14th. School'll be starting soon! This year is going to be crazy but I have high hopes for it.

Now to watch A Haunting in Connecticut. 'Til next time.